How does one weigh the value of life? The life of an ant may be insignificant, compared to, say, the life of a cow. The life of a pet, compared to the life of a human being. What makes us think that our lives are the most precious compared to the rest? What makes us so special?

Is it because we can think, and thinking lets us rationalize about why we need to live, and let others die in our cause? But what about when the deaths have nothing to do with us surviving, when it's just that. The death of something, for supposedly our greater good, when it clearly has nothing to do with it. Ah, rambles, ramblings, whatever. Shitload of hot air coming out now.

So with life, we get death. How does one keep up, embrace, accept, look at and face death? I'm in a very, precarious state right now, seeing how my most intimate and lifelong friend is ill. Yeah, she might be just a cat to you, but she's been with me through thick, through thin, through everything. Heck, I've been with her since she was a little one. I've fed her, nursed her, took care of her, treated her, played with her, entertained her, let her sleep with me, and much much more.

She's the one that really knows my secrets, the one that I can really just, talk to, even if I don't get the sort of feedback I might need. But looking at the way she cocks her head, twitches her ears, purrs or mews when I'm talking to her, sometimes I'd like to think she understands me, and I take great comfort in that.

The thought of losing this one, is, to be honest, very much unbearable. She's like a sister, a family member. She's been around since I can remember (well, not really), and we're so used to her presence in the house, it would be so different without her.

I might come across as someone who's making a big fuss out of nothing, but hey, I take things like this really seriously, and when I do, it tends to get to my head. I can't help it if I'm affected by this, in this way. I can be a little pessimistic, and somewhat morbid at times. And, most of the time, these things cloud my judgment, and make me take the wrong decisions. Hopefully though, it won't happen again this time.

So with my Snowball being sick, and the thought of being without her hovering in my head, well, other thoughts inevitably come up. I feel pretty, um, sad, now, I guess. I'm blaming myself a lot for stuff that's happened, that shouldn't have happened, and that should've happened but didn't. Which is pretty upsetting in itself as when this happens, I spiral down deeper into the dark abyss of thought and pensiveness.