Sometimes you can feel like the whole world is against you, and to be honest, that was how I felt almost the whole of Monday and Tuesday. From the trip back, to work (which, under the circumstances, compounded the feeling even more), to music that happened to be playing, to my surroundings. Everything seemed in conspiracy against me.

Monday was horrible in itself when I left, and when I got back, I was as blue as.. as.. as Superman's costume. As blue as Celcom posters around Malaysia. In short, I was almost a mess. Well, in the beginning, at least. It got better later that night, since I had a chat with my mum. Sorted a few things out. But still blue.

We talked about me, about the world around, about people, about situations, about stuff, in general. And this was at 3 a.m. in the morning, since we were up waiting for Sam to come home (it was raining, and she usually comes home before it rains, so we actually went out to get her later). It did clear my head, sort of. I already told my mum before hand that I wanted to talk, but somehow the feeling of, I don't know what, pain/anger/etc wasn't there when I finally talked. It was more of a calm/mellow/rational sort of talk, no emotional outbursts and whatnot.

Then Tuesday, oh boy. That was when I really felt like, "Oh god, what did I do to deserve this?" I reached Ruums, since I was required to be there to play the audio (asked my producer if he wanted me there, since I was back anyway), and I found out that this week there will be a lot of contemporary dances, which means slow music, and it so happens that this week, we're playing a few sad slow songs (Between the Lines, I'll Be, Biar Akhirnya Di Sini), with lyrics that do nothing to help the situation.

And you know what a sap/sop I am. It was pretty hard to play the tracks at first. Well, it was easy to play them (since all I had to do was push a few buttons) but it was pretty hard to sit them through, and go through them over and over again without paying attention / letting the song get to me. I even managed to get a few people asking me what's wrong. Haha. And I thought I managed to cover it up okay. Fucked with my mind, weh, that day. But I got better, since I managed to do what I enjoy (play with songs and sounds). So yeah, I left Ruums feeling slightly better than when I arrived.

Got back home, yada yada, and then you called. It was a good call, on your part. Thanks for asking. As I've said, there are a few things I'd love to talk about / tell you, but also as you know (since you know me oh so well), I'd rather much do it in person than over the phone. So yeah, like you said, I have about two weeks to rev up my engines and get started. Hopefully the petrol price won't go up again, or else I'd run into some sort of trouble.


Today, nothing much happened, I guess. I was feeling better, thank you. I managed to play around during rehearsal, lift the mood a little, and I managed to get things locked down pretty fast. Not bad, I'd say. And then my mum texted saying my cheque from Nike is finally here, so yay! I'm a little bit more financially stable. Then we went to the Pavillion to have some food, and walked around. Then balik office, and here I am. Tomorrow, another Live show, call time is at 9 a.m. and I'd have to wake up early. Haha. Nuts. So yeah, here's to a good show, a good Top 10, a week and a half passing by quickly, your phone call, and me getting my spirits up with some help.