I've never driven without music. And so for the first time, I did, thinking I should listen to the sounds of silence, since music tends to, how shall I put this delicately.. Fuck me up, at times. I seem to have this uncanny knack of spotting even the tiniest shred of negativity in a song, even if it's a happy one.

So I drove on in silence. And I drive on in silence. So much to do, yet at the same time not much else left to do.

So I look around and I noted something. Saw a lake. Thought of a song.


Which surprised me, since I never knew I had it in me. But it did nothing good to me. So I looked away, I looked straight on, kept on driving, hope nothing's gone.

And tomorrow I know I have to drag myself out of bed, to one of the only places I can find some sort of solace, relief, comfort and absolutely total abandon of life, my work place. Respite and relief can come from the least unexpected places, it seems.

But then again, despite what I felt, I know there could always be that small puny infinitesimally tiny shred of hope. And as long as that's still there, I'll keep holding on to that, doing all I can to make it bigger. Who knows, the only thing that'd probably stop me is me dying trying.