I went out tonight, thinking to unwind. To relax my mind a little. To let of whatever excess exam stress I might have. In all honesty, I managed to get all that done. But what I didn't bargain for, nor did I expect, was something that really adds to my turmoil. Yeah I managed to forget everything for about awhile. But, as a friend said, my mind is one that works when it shouldn't.

When I got home, inevitably, I started to think. To wonder.

Sometimes I wonder why I put up with it. Sometimes I wonder why I don't just ask outright why do you put me through this. Sometimes I feel that I might be somewhat stupid, a little bit too sensitive, a little bit too caring, a little bit too.. I don't know, but I give a fuck about this. But hey ho, maybe I shouldn't give a Fuck.

I do consider, at times, what my actions might mean to you. How it might affect you. I've always wanted to talk about it, ever since I noticed the change in the temperature whenever you're around - Talk about the coming of the second Ice Age. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess I couldn't find the courage. I'm a pussy in that aspect, I admit. But at least I try to not let it show. Try to act as if everything is normal, and actually succeeding at it.

Maybe I'm just better at it than you. But you always said, if you have a problem, talk to someone. Well, talk to someone then, why don't you? Oh yeah, I know you're not going to talk to me. Hell I'd be surprised if you'd ever talk to me about this. But you've got great friends around. Always available, always ready, always there to lend an ear, to listen. Fucking use them for fucks sake.

You know why I ask you to do this? Because I care. Because I notice. Because it takes it's toll on me. Fuck knows why it does all this, but it does.

I bet you don't know, or don't care, or didn't even consider what you're doing might have at least some teeny fucking weeny effect on some fucking people eh? I hope to god I'm wrong about this. Hell I'd be glad if you could prove me wrong. But if this is truly the case, then all that I can, want and will say to you is perfectly put by Damien Rice:

Leave it, it's nothing to you.
And if you hate me, hate me so good that you can let me out.
Let me out of this hell when you're around.
So fuck you.